Month: February 2006

William is a very good baby, he’s never been a screamer as such, keeping us awake til all hours (although when he does go off God help us all), but it’s the constant worrying that I find absolutely debilitating…:

1. Will he go to sleep?
2. If he sleeps will he not sleep tonight because he’s had too much sleep?
3. If he stays awake will he not sleep tonight because he’s overtired?
4. Once he’s asleep, how long will he sleep and will it be enough for me to do the washing/ironing/expressing/sterilising/log collecting/rubbish sorting/washing-up/cat’s breakfast/cleaning/cooking/dressing/showering/face/make-up/hair (not necessarily in that order)
5. If I wake him up will he scream?
6. If I don’t wake him up will he scream more later?
7. If I’ve done everything I can think of and he’s still screaming what do I do?
8. If Eddie isn’t home in 2 minutes should I go ahead and bath/feed him?
9. If I wait for Eddie will he get into a state and not sleep later?
10. If he’s not screaming, how long can it possibly last before he does scream?

Etc etc….

I’m reliably informed this is a state of mind that will now be with me, in various permutations, forever.

EXHAUSTING.

I love this picture – it’s William looking gleeful just before exploding on Eddie in the bath 🙂

Today I watched Will like a hawk and as soon as he looked sleepy, put him to bed at 8.30am and he slept for an hour. We also went out for a long walk with Nina and Lucy in the village – Yummy Mummies in convoy! So that was another 2 1/2 hours after we’d pootled along and then had cake and tea. Finally got home to find I couldn’t wake the little man up and started panicking that he wouldn’t sleep later. Fortunately though I just ended up with a much calmer baby and a quiet Valentines evening of oysters and champagne with Eddie.

Eddie actually put it very well; napping in the day is one thing, but 6.15pm is Will’s bedtime and will be for years to come. He knows his routine now and always sleeps from 7 – 10.30. I must stop worrying every night that he’s going to wake up in the middle and scream.

Inconsolable is the only word that could describe Will today. The decibel level of his screams reached new heights and I was on the verge of tears and phoning Eddie to ask him to come home. It was horrific. Thank heavens for the lovely NCT girls who kept me going, gave lots of advice and took Jack-Jack away from me when I couldn’t cope anymore.

William finally went down at 5pm after a full day of screaming. I fortunately managed to get his bathtime sorted in time and he’s now fast asleep upstairs while I try to repair my shredded nerve endings and make vaguely intelligible conversation with my husband.

We’re home from a lovely walk around Welford Park through the snowdrop woods with Richard, Sonya and the kids. Admittedly it was raining cats and dogs, and blowing a gale, but the walk was beautiful and most importantly we got to have tea and cake at the end. AND, I went out in my pre-pregnancy jeans which, although admittedly a little tight, made me feel like I’m finally getting back to normal. Will came along in the Baby Bjorn and passed out as soon as the fresh air hit him. He’s been zonked out ever since and is currently ensconced in front of Ski Sunday with Eddie, his eyes tiny slits, very happy.

There’s still no pattern to Will yet, we take the quiet times in the day and treasure them. Yesterday I ran away to Newbury to get some much needed waxing done and generally go on a Will-free trip. When I came back the baby was shrieking in the garden (much as he had been all morning) and poor Eddie was at his wits end. The only way to get some quiet was to keep the buggy moving. William’s a canny little man and as soon as the motion stopped, he started. The only plus was that he wore himself out and slept really well that night.

Not sure what this new, post-snowdrop, sleepy William holds in store for us later on. One thing’s for sure, you can never predict what he’s going to do next.

I had no idea how much noise small babies could make when they sleep. When William’s deeply asleep (like now), he looks so peaceful and still – and he is impossible to wake up. When we switch the lights on in the morning he’s like a little old man uncurling himself and slowly, slowly the eyes open and he’s back in the room.

But if you watch him dreaming, or in REM sleep it’s a different story, he sounds like a middle-aged, chronic snorer with a weight problem. All you can hear are grunts, snorts and bizarre sucking sounds as he tries to jam both hands into his gob. Eddie is silent when he sleeps (a huge plus in our relationship, along with his complete disinterest in ‘Match of the Day’), but Will is a different story – I’ve never heard anything quite like it.

Today Will had all sorts of adventures, starting with seeing De this morning for coffee and a cuddle and then we decided to make an impromptu stop into the office to say hello to everyone!

I miss you all and it was wonderful to see you and and introduce you to Will at last. He was such an angel (until we got home of course and he realised I was about to attempt to eat something, at which point all hell broke loose and the screams lasted until around 5.00pm)……

Will and I have been unleashed on an unsuspecting World at last and wasted no time in heading out in the car to escape our mini-prison of the past 4 weeks. Today was definitely a milestone – I have, at the ripe old age of 32, finally walked down Newbury High Street pushing a pram. The moment my parents have been dreading for the past 15 odd years (I’m actually a bit of an anomaly amongst all those teenage Mums). I never knew how much fear and excitement an excursion into a town could be. How people manage with babies in London I’ll never know. We managed to survive Sainsburys, HMV and finally, with not a little bravado – Starbucks! What fun to pootle along with Will in his pram and a Latte in my hand. We have arrived.

In the meantime, the routine still needs a little refining, my days are spent desperately trying to keep Will either awake or asleep depending on the time! Today’s foray into town was the only way I could get him to sleep for a full 2 hours – the morning nap was a total wash out. I’m currently sitting on the back doorstep while the baby sleeps in his pram (watching out for Molly, who’s taken a shine to any baby-related vessel she can get into), wrapped up in a fluffy white pram suit and covered with a rain protector. I’ve decided that if fresh air is the only way he’ll sleep, then so be it. The result is that Eddie and I have had 3 nights of uninterrupted suppers in a row, so it’s definitely worth it.

Tonight’s challenge – bottle feeding!! This should be hilarious, Will is an EXTREMELY stubborn young man (he clearly takes after both parents, but possibly more his Mother than Father on that one…) but it’s our ticket to future babysitting and the pub. Priorities, priorities.

This is how we got on with Day 1 of our new routine:

07.15 – 07.49 = fed
08.23 – 08.44 = fed
09.00 – 10.00 = nap
10.14 – 10.35 = fed
10.35 – 11.20 = played
11.20 – 11.45 = fed
11.45 – 14.00 = nap
14.20 – 15.06 = fed
15.06 – 16.00 = played/screamed
16.00 – 16.20 = attempted to put down for a nap x 3. Baby screamed whenever put down.
16.25 – 16.35 = put baby in pram and went round the green. Baby went to sleep.
16.45 – Baby started screaming again. Did a circuit of the drive.
16.55 – Baby asleep in buggy in sitting room.
17.00 – 17.25 = fed
17.45 – Bath
17.55 – 18.22 = fed
18.30 – 19.00 = squeaks – squawks – screams – shrieks.
19.00 – 19.14 = fed
19.14 – 20.01 = tried to settle, but Will screamed every time he realised he’d been put to bed.
20.01 – 20.15 = (gave up) fed. William stayed asleep.
20.30 – Lou pours herself VERY large G&T
22.30 – 22.52 = fed. Baby and parents out for the count

I can’t wait for tomorrow 🙂

A dirty word? Or salvation? In our case we’ve decided the latter – it’s time to start working towards a routine where Will is awake more in the day so that Eddie and I can have our evenings uninterrupted.

Another two expletives; ‘Gina Ford’! Not that we’re taking her word as gospel, but we’re going to give the timings a try and see what happens. It’s Day 1 and so far so good (although we’ll probably have a different story by 6pm this evening). William’s such a good baby I’m sure that with a bit of perseverence we’ll soon be in a pattern that suits everyone.

P.S Lowly – this picture’s for your benefit, one of the few without me in the ghastly grey/pink fleeces. Promise to go on a shop for some decent kit once I get my figure back/scar healed up.

It’s not the sleep deprivation, and I’m not drowning in nappies/rubbish/admin/chores, I just never realised how mentally, emotionally and physically draining it is to look after a tiny baby 24/7. Anne Enright’s book ‘Making Babies’ (which only now makes sense to me) puts it very well, describing small babies as ‘constant need’. I know I’m very lucky that William is so good, God knows what it must be like to have a child who is constantly crying – I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.

Yesterday we had a wonderful time, we got the house sorted, said hello to Jim who’s back from South Africa, fed the Alpacas (they didn’t take to apples at all) and the ponies and went on a walk through Heath End and East Woodhay. William is so alert now, he looks intently at our faces and he can hear you as you call to him up the stairs (usually begging him to stop screaming). He loves looking at his Babyshapes book and is now much calmer in the evenings in the sense that he’ll sit with us just watching, rather than being either asleep or crying.

I can’t believe he’s going to be a month old on Sunday, in one sense time has flown and in another this has been the longest 4 weeks of my life.